Forgiveness is a subject that is common in our churches, and it can help any of us who have taken offence at another person's actions, particularly someone in a position of authority, such as a manager or teacher, or maybe even a parent.
I appreciate that even using the word 'authority' presses some buttons in people's thinking. Through misuse and the wrong application of its meaning, it has become misunderstood.
A position of authority in another person's life is a caring responsibility that carries with it the duty of sometimes having to give advice and enforcing boundaries for the good of the individual and their community. Parents desire happiness for their children, but they won't let the child decide what's best if they see them doing harmful things.
In our churches, there may be people who have taken offence at the leadership. Usually it's because they believe that the leadership has hurt them, misunderstood them or in some way grieved them. Often the reaction when folks take offence, is that they break the relationship. They may also start to spread gossip about the person who they believe has hurt them, or lash out with their anger at that person, often out of all proportion to the offence.
Conversely, those in authority have an obligation to treat people tenderly. If you have given grounds for offence, you need to be honest about it, out of respect for those in your care. It is important to speak with honesty borne out of good character and integrity, because as someone once said 'a good argument is often spoiled by a bad quarrel.'
Biblically, (I'm talking here of church), it's just as big a problem to take offence as it is to cause it. Don't mishear me here. Being the victim of a truly abusive authority is not what we're talking about. That requires a lot of healing and reconciliation.
What I'm talking about are those times when we have taken umbrage because we don't like the way we've been spoken to, or because we disagree with the direction taken by those responsible for the welfare of our community.
The Good Book itself has some pretty direct things to say about all this. Jesus tells the story of the man forgiven a huge debt by his master, (Matthew 18). This same man then demands repayment from one of his own small debtors, and refuses to show him the same mercy he received himself. When his master hears about this unmerciful man, he turns him over to the jailers til he repays all of his own debt. The message is clear – we've all been forgiven hugely, if we have received that forgiveness from Jesus. We should likewise forgive the minor offences done to us.
Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years. Upon his release he was a major force in the movement to rebuild his nation through reconciliation and negotiation. South Africa became a democratic country, with Mandela its first democratically elected president, without the blood-bath that so many predicted. This is a testament to the power of forgiveness over the futility of revenge. (I'd recommend the movie 'Invictus' if you'd like to find out more.)
Offended people can cause disruption to the wellbeing of any community, including the church. How we deal with our hurts and grievances is important if we're to live together successfully.
May I encourage you, if you're offended with anybody in authority in your life, to consider that you almost certainly don't have the full picture of what they're responsible for. Please don't take yourself out of whatever community you're committed to, just because you are offended. There are countless relationships that have been shipwrecked over relatively small issues. There's a better way, the way of forgiveness and humility, as the basis for discussing things and finding a way to work things out for the good of all concerned.
One of the main themes of the Art of Living programme on Cross Rhythms 96.3FM is to talk to church leaders and discuss these very issues. Please check out the advert in the Plymouth Shopper for the dates and times of those broadcasts.
