Being a Parent #end

There have been a number of programmes on TV over the last few years, aimed at helping parents bring up their children.  We are shown the extremities of teenage rebellion on shows like Bad Lads Army, and the various 'Teen Camps' programmes; and we're all familiar with the terrible toddlers who come under the spotlight in Super Nanny or The House of Tiny Tearaways.

 

The number of programmes dealing with these issues shows us at least one thing – bringing up children is a hard job, and many of us, as parents, struggle to know how to do it effectively.  These programmes often tap into age-old wisdom about parenting – loving discipline, consistency, firmness and fairness.  Often it is obvious during the shows, that just having someone to show them how to do it, and provide encouragement, is enough to radically transform the lives of some parents and their families.  So why do we get to the place of needing this advice, apart from the fact that we are all, always, learning in life?

 

Like a lot of people, I had parents who cared for me, but who could not make their marriage work and so divorced.  I have friends who have never known one, or in some cases both, of their natural parents.  And so when it came to our turn to bring up our kids, we found that a lot of the life-lessons to equip us for the task had just not been learned.

 

With the utmost sensitivity to the pain of broken families for all concerned, it has to be said that when families break down, the consequences can carry on into the next generation.  We learn most of our parenting skills by imbibing the way we ourselves experienced our own upbringing.  The good bits are great, the less good bits we need to change.  Often there is a vacuum, a silence when we search for the answer to the question 'what on earth do I do for my child in this situation?'  It can be incredibly difficult and painful 'learning on the job' as a parent.

 

The reason for the popularity of the kind of TV shows we've been talking about, could just be that we all know we need help to improve our parenting, but we don't know where to turn.  So we search for those life-skills through the medium of television.  It's certainly better than nothing.

 

The Bible has a lot to say about family.  As a collection of books it has survived the test of time for thousands of years and its wisdom has been proven in many lives. 'Honour your father and mother' is a commandment that we sometimes only learn the real value of when we ourselves become father or mother.  Honouring our parents means to respect them for doing the best they could with what they had, without being blind to any areas where we could improve on the foundation they have laid.

 

Ultimately, the essence of being a father or a mother is found in the loving character of God – not an angry old man with a stick, ready to whack us for stepping out of line.  Nor an indulgent father Christmas who gives us all we ask for and ignores our faults.  But a consistent, dependable, trustworthy, just, fair, strong, merciful, kind and loving Father who desires our best and seeks to release us into our full potential if we will work things out with Him, His way.  And before we get into a debate on sexism, we need to remember that the Bible talks of the mother heart of God, too.

 

So if you find that those helpful TV programmes are not answering all the questions you have about being a father or mother, try talking to God about it – He is the originator of both roles, and over the years he's had to deal with countless numbers of wayward children, myself included.  His own Son, Jesus, was in such a close relationship with Him that he could say 'if you have seen me, you have seen the Father'.  Jesus showed us what Father God is like, and offered Himself as our way back to our Heavenly Father.  Wherever you are on that journey, He is waiting to hear from you about your needs as a parent.

 

The media's responsibilty to complex issues of war #end

This month I want to write about a difficult issue – that of our military in places like Afghanistan, and the media coverage it receives.  There is something in the media just about every day, often analysing our involvement in military operations in those countries.  And there is also, sadly, the frequent news of deaths and injuries of some of those who have served in these conflicts, as well as news of the suffering that war causes to civilians who get caught in the crossfire.

 

Plymouth is a military town, with a long military tradition.  As such, we hear this kind of news maybe more than others, and our local media, on the whole, is supportive of the troops and pays respect to them in their coverage, which is understandable.

 

In the church fellowship which I pastor with my wife Kerry, one of our young men recently returned home after a three month tour in Afghanistan.  He came home safe and sound, and also matured by the experience and with a different perspective to the one he had before he embarked.  This is our only real connection with the war, and as we love this young man and want the best for him, it could be easy to allow emotional reasoning to unduly influence our own opinions of what our political and military leaders are doing in regard to the conflict.

 

However, the issues behind the war are complex, and most of us do not have nearly enough information to make a sound judgment on the rightness or otherwise of our involvement.  In most of life's issues it is those who are involved and have the full picture who are best equipped to make informed decisions. We elected our government democratically, to lead and carry the weight of the responsibilities that face them in these difficult times, and as I have said before in this column, one of the Bible's commands to Christians is to pray for those in leadership.

 

In order that we can all do our part, great or small, and also have a better understanding, it is important that our media comments as objectively as possible on these issues, since journalists have an obligation to bring out the truth behind any story.  The media has tremendous influence in our society, and is a wonderful platform for debate. 

 

The democratic right to protest, to influence change for good and to voice opinion is built into the foundations of our society, indeed those rights are there because of the Christian heritage of our nation.  But we should always remember that our responsibilities should balance our rights in helping us have the wisdom to know what is helpful and constructive, and what is simply hot air, or worse, destructive to good government.

 

Recently, a friend of mine met a young veteran of the war who had some serious injuries.  He was coping remarkably well, and when asked what he thought of the leadership he was upbeat and positive in spite of his own condition.  This young man certainly had the right to complain, but he didn't.  Instead he honoured those he served with and was making the best of what life had given him.  That was an example to us all.

 

General Sir Richard Dannatt, the Chief of General Staff, has done much over the last three years to improve the welfare and pay of armed forces personnel.  He is now retiring from the post, but he is respected by his men because he leads from the front, and currently he is in the midst of some political controversy over his requests for more equipment for his troops.   As a young Afghanistan war veteran said to a friend of mine "He'll take the stick or take the glory, that all goes with his job."  General Dannatt's Christian faith is well documented by the media, let's pray that he and his successor receive God's grace, wisdom and strength to make good decisions, along with all those in leadership in this terrible conflict.

 

What is love? #end

 

 

 

For those of us old enough to remember, 80's rock band Foreigner had a huge hit with the song 'I Want to Know What Love Is'.  The song tapped into mankind's universal cry for love, with lyrics including the line 'In my life there's been heartache and pain, I don't know if I can face it again, can't stop now I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life'.  Many folks can identify with that, and also with the signature lyric from the song: 'I want to know what love is, I want you to show me, I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me'.

 

Now I do not really know who the guys in the band were asking the question in their search for love.  They were probably looking for human love from a relationship.  Or maybe they had a more inspired and Divine quest - they had a great Gospel choir on backing vocals, giving their all with passion.  Who knows?

                                                   

I truly hope the band found what they were looking for, or that they at least have not hardened their hearts with cynicism to protect them from the many 'heartaches and pains' that inevitably face us on the journey of life.

 

We all, deep down, want to know what love is.  We want to give it and we want to receive it, it's as fundamental to our existence as the air we breathe and the water we drink.  Love can take many forms, in families, with friends, with lovers.  And it can take many abuses from ourselves and others, that twist our perception of love with pain until we, like Foreigner, get to the place where we lose sight of its meaning and cry out for the truth about love.

 

So where do we go for the answers?  What do we even mean when we say 'love'?  Romantic love is great, but after six months it will fade and then the real business of relationship and commitment will begin.

 

Long term married folks will talk of a deepening love, yet it's hard won and comes with scars. It seems that real love is more than feeling good, and that it costs.  Even the best of human loves isn't perfect.  Just think of those closest to you, whom you value the most – even they have let you down and hurt you.  And we're all painfully aware of just how much our own ability to love could improve.

 

People who have endured suffering in their lives often excel in showing love.  They show us that the difficulties of life and relationships, paradoxically, are the fertile ground where love grows and matures.

 

Love is a big subject, and needs some big answers.  If you're looking, try tuning in to the lyrics of the songs on Cross Rhythms 96.3FM as part of your search.  But the best and last word comes from the Good Book itself:

 

Love is long-suffering (patient), it's kind, it doesn't envy and it isn't proud, it doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first', doesn't get angry easily, doesn't keep a record of other people's wrongs, it hates evil and it celebrates with the truth.  Love always protects, always trusts, always looks for the best and love never gives up… and so faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love. (The Bible, 1 Corinthians Chapter 13).

Politicians need our prayers, not just our votes #end

 

 

Last month I wrote about church leaders, and the pressures they are often under.  The Good Book encourages us to pray for our leaders, and that would certainly be appreciated by those I have interviewed for the 'Art of Living' show on Cross Rhythms 96.3FM.

 

We should also pray for our political leaders.  Just like you and me, they make mistakes, and they are flawed.  But they also have to make wise decisions that steer our nation through difficult circumstances, and they need our prayers to help them.

 

Recent events prompted national Church leaders to speak out on political issues.  The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, together with the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, issued a joint statement on behalf of the Church of England House of Bishops. They said that it was understandable people were angry and disillusioned with some MPs following recent revelations about their expenses, but urged people not to use the European elections to make a protest vote which would have long-lasting effects.

 

They challenged the far right BNP's references to Jesus Christ in its election advertising, saying, 'Christians have been deeply disturbed by the conscious adoption by the BNP of the language of our faith when the effect of those policies is not to promote those values but to foster fear and division within communities, especially between people of different faiths or racial background.'  Wise words indeed.

 

The European elections are just one current event that should prompt those with a faith to pray for their political leaders.  Global recession, international terrorism, the state of our own nation with all its successes and failures, and local issues in Plymouth, all fall within the responsibility of someone to care about and try to effect positive changes.  Usually, that is our political leaders, as well as those who lead in other walks of life.

 

In our information-overloaded society, we have so many pieces of news through the media, so many sound bites and opinions that are transmitted through the airwaves and in print, that we often fall into the trap of making 'armchair judgements' on matters about which we have very little genuine understanding.  Then we announce our opinions, and criticize the people in leadership.  It changes very little.

 

This happens in all walks of life, (just listen to the advice given to referees from the stands at Home Park!), and such a precious freedom of speech is the result of our democratic process whereby everyone can have an opinion and express it.  That process, founded on Christian values, is one of the good things about our political system, especially when it is balanced with a healthy respect for the responsibilities of those who have to govern.

 

Cynicism and ill-informed criticism achieves very little.  But the Bible shows us how we can achieve a lot, by another kind of communication - we should pray for our leaders to have the grace, courage and wisdom from God to make righteous decisions for the good of us all.  As a Christian, I believe that prayer works, God hears and He answers.

 

Give it a go – instead of just sounding off about our politicians, pray for them.  They have a tough job, they are only human and they need all the help they can get.

The ART OF LIVING #end

It is fair to say that when you talk about 'church' to people you can get very mixed reactions.

 

Many see it as a place to hatch match and dispatch or births, marriages and deaths for those who have never heard the expression. Others see it as a place or building for those who are religiously inclined or for some a more negative place full of hypocrites. As with most things in life, all these impressions aren't always accurate.

 

Part of the ongoing service of Cross Rhythms Plymouth as a community radio station is to promote the faith and work of the Christian Church in Plymouth. This is a real privilege for us as a team at Cross Rhythms because we know that the Christian Church fulfills may vital roles within society.

 

First of all the Christian faith has provided the values which were the bedrock of our society, influencing our Nation since Celtic times almost 2,000 years ago. of course like everything in life which is common to us all, the church has progressed and regressed as the challenges of history have played its part.

 

The older Plymouth community members will remember as young adults or children the role that the church and faith played in the second world war as people flocked to church for prayer and deliverance from the Nazi's.

 

It worked too - prayer that is, as the miracles of Dunkirk, El Alamein and the Battle of Britain proved. But what about modern day Plymouth? Well things have changed as a wise man once said 'the only thing that is constant is change.'

 

Our new programme The Art of Living is a programme I presented up in

Stoke-on-Trent where our first community station was established.

 

At the time this programme was created to enable me to speak to church leaders about the strengths and weaknesses of the Christian faith within their local, regional and global communities. It isn't a programme to promote, necessarily, the social action and 'good works' of the church, but really to empower and hear the 'voices of those leaders who have vocationally responded to God and believe that their calling is to help the people of faith and those with no faith to combat some of the real struggles of life: illness; death; broken relationships; depression; questions about the meaning of life; is there an after life?

 

Christian leaders are people too. They also have their struggles. Many people talk to pastors or vicars about their personal problems, but few consider that church leadership is often under massive pressures themselves as motivated by love they enter into the emotional crisis of the people who seek them out. Often, they offer advice which is sound, but then people refuse the advice get into difficulty and still blame the church leadership for not answering the problems. People reject the message and then shoot the messenger. These church leaders and their families are real 'spiritual warriors' who are need our prayers and encouragement.

 

As your driving around in your car, listening at home or work on the radio or computer please listen in to The Art of Living and pray that something of the

values and wisdom which has governed us through generations will once again be appreciated through the these programmes.  

 

The following church leaders can be heard on The Art of Living on 96.3FM during June:  Nick McKinnel (St Andrews) June 1st; Stu Clarke (Hooe Baptist and Street Pasto co-ordinator June 8; Vjay Panandikar (Shekinah Mission) June 15; Geoff Lee (Plymouth Christian Centre) June 22; Paul Smith (Methodist Central Hall)June 29^th.

 

The programme is first broadcast on the Monday of the week shown and then repeated on Wednesday evening between 6pm and 7pm and Friday between 1pm and 2pm.

American? #end

Back in February, I commented in this column on President Barack Obama's inauguration ceremony, noting the almost religious zeal with which he had been welcomed by millions of Americans, and comparing his imperfect humanity with the only perfect Man who ever lived, Jesus Christ.

 

Whilst that piece was in no way detrimental to or critical of Americans or the American way of life, I have recently been pondering on the amount of anti-American feeling that seems to be in our culture, and especially in Europe.  This anti-American feeling occasionally borders on racism in my opinion, and in some extreme cases actual hatred is expressed towards America, which would be strongly opposed by our media were it aimed at just about any other nation.

 

One of the most severe examples I have seen was a call for the killing of any Americans, anywhere.  The source of that call does not really matter, but it provoked a response from Peter Ferrara, associate professor of law at the George Mason University School of Law

in Northern Virginia. It was published by National Review on September 25th, 2001.

 

For me, his article recognizes that in fact, we are all children of God who created us, and to harm one of us is to harm all of us.  Here is that article:

 

"An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

 

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho,

Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

 

An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

 

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

 

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.

 

The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness...

 

An American is generous... Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.

 

When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

 

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.

 

The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.

 

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

 

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American".

 

Whilst we may not agree with everything Peter Ferrara wrote, I think we can all agree that in essence his words echo the words of Jesus Christ "Love you neighbour as yourself" – before we criticize any nation, Western, Middle-Eastern or otherwise, we need to go deeper than the shallow understanding we sometimes glean from our own culture, and think of them as people, like us, and try to imagine walking in their shoes.  Then we may be able to love them first, and then we may have the right and ability to offer a positive criticism and not a shallow cynicism that derides a whole 'people group' in one broad sweep of poorly informed opinion.

American #end